#146

meatcountermadness — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 20:01:48 +0000

Me, answering the phone: “Meat department.”
Woman: “Yes, my husband told me that he heard on the radio that there’s been a turkey recall, and people are bringing turkey back to the store.”
Me: “Right, I’ve been following that story. I believe it’s just ground turkey, and I don’t believe they’ve announced what brand it is yet.”
Woman: “Well, I bought some sliced deli turkey from you, and then when I got it out of my fridge, I thought, ‘this looks like turkey that has been sitting for a few days.’” You know how turkey looks, around the edges, when it’s been sitting for a few days?”
Me: “Umm…”
Woman: “But I ate it anyway. And then this morning my bowels were loose.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Woman: “And I usually have the opposite problem. What’s going on over there? You guys are slipping.”

#145

meatcountermadness — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 19:56:14 +0000

[The Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil" is playing.]
Woman: “Do you hear that noise? What is that?”
Other woman: “It just keeps repeating!”

#144

meatcountermadness — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 03:25:32 +0000

Customer woman: “I’d like a pound of the beef fajita mix.”
Me: “So, the other day a customer called in to complain that she had bought the fajita mix, didn’t realize that it was raw meat, took it home and ate it. So, out of an abundance of caution, I just want to make clear that this is raw meat, and you do need to cook it.”
Customer woman: “Wait, I need to cook it? I’m so glad you told me!”

#143

meatcountermadness — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 03:22:25 +0000

German woman on phone: “How long are your slices of Italian steak? I want to make rouladen.”
Butcher: “They’re about 8 inches.”
Woman: “I’m from Germany, so I don’t how long that is. I only know the metric system. Let me ask my husband…Hans! Show me what 8 inches looks like!”

#142

meatcountermadness — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 03:17:21 +0000

Customer woman: “Did you grow up on a farm?”
Me: “No, I grew up in the city of Detroit, actually!”
Customer woman: “Oh. You seem like you grew up on a farm.”

#141

meatcountermadness — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 01:34:39 +0000

Coworker: “74!”
Customer: “Here!”
Other lady: “I have 74!”
Coworker: “Ma’am, that’s not possible. I’ve already got 74.”
Other lady: “Well then I have 73!”

#140

meatcountermadness — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 03:55:47 +0000

Woman with elaborate pink butterfly design drawn across her entire face: “I want some salmon, but this looks a little pale. Do you have any in the back that’s a little more pink?”
[I retrieve more salmon from the back.]
Butterfly woman: “Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! Now would it be too much to ask for you to cut that into 4 pieces?”
Me: “Sure, no problem.”
Butterfly woman: “Thank you! You are so guided.”

#139

meatcountermadness — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 03:50:20 +0000

Biracial coworker to white coworker: “This is my mom.” [Whispering] “She’s white, like you.”
Mom, whispering: “You’re embarrassing me.”

#138

meatcountermadness — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 05:31:49 +0000

[Older couple is rummaging through her purse for several minutes.]
Me: “22!”
Husband: “We have 22, but we’re looking here…we can’t find…she had it written down somewhere…do you have any, uh…it’s Spanish sausage?”
Me: “Chorizo?”
Couple: “THAT’S IT!”

#137

meatcountermadness — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 04:39:13 +0000

Woman: “I need 10 pounds of ground chuck, divided into 1-pound bags.”*
[Coworker bags up 10 1-pound bags of ground chuck.]
Woman: “Is that ground round?”
Coworker: “No, this is ground chuck, like you asked.”
Woman: “No, I said ground round!”
[Coworker begins bagging up 10 1-pound bags of ground round.]
Woman to coworker #2: “Is he new here?”
Coworker #2: “Who?”
Woman, whispering: “The white boy.”

*Note: This is a ridiculous request, and there was a lot of people waiting.